A random page from Yume's diary #2

So recently there hasn't been much to write about.. Yume wonders what she should do ._.

Ahhh, finally, thanksgiving break! :D That's a week off from school~~ *Stretch*
Yume can finally sleep xD

Recently, there has been nothing but work work work >_<  schoolwork, homework, tutoringwork, essaywork, collegework, housework, lazytowork ...
and apart from that there's nothing fun *complains* >3<

ah well. C'est la vie. =w=v what u get for choosing what u did. XD
But it's fine. we always find something to do.. and that came to Yume in the form of.....

...
....
........ food o_o . <been eating aLOT. gaaaah she's been growing fat ever since school started and now this?! >A<
Yume has made truffles the other day.. and brownies last week, and cookies just yesterday. xD 
(noshedoesn'tshare)
ahaha, well there's no one to share with O3O  it's holidays and everyone's busy orz

do u want to come over and have some? :D

oh speaking of food! xD
Yume must bring up her chem teacher's awesome quote: 

"see, this is why I hate maths, pies are round, not pi r squared!" XD

ahahaha, yea, random. but Yume found it hilarious XD
 don't u think so too? :D


ah well. *shrugs* Yume should better sleep  now. she's going out tomorrow...........
which means .. FOOD again! XDD *smacked*
she needs to stop being a glutton.. ._.
 

A belated Happy Halloween? >O

Eeek OAO 

Yupp, it was halloween. xD Did anyone go trick-or-treating~ ? :D

Yume certainly wanted to, but her mom said she was too old to go ... DX
But, we went somewhere instead. XD
Knott's scary farm :O where "your fears come true" XD
Yuppp, it WAS certainly scary.... with people in costumes scaring u everywhere u went QAQllla
aaaaand it was dark. like, pitch dark, the kind where u reach out ur hand and can't even see your fingers..no exaggeration. >A<

(^Picture was taken with camera flash, so it looks bright O3O)
..and no she wasn't scary (hahaha) until..........

....They began ganging up on her QAQlllll orz
 No. it WAS scary. Yume insists. they just randomly pop out of nowhere and freak u out QAQlllllllllll
Yume was nearly  crying when she first went in the park Q__Qllla

 Oh, right, there were rides too.. Yume was so scared that her contacts would fall out when she was on them . xD But they were fun :D 
 but the scariest erm, well she means 'best', part of it were the mazes :D 
They were sooooo well made >u< not to mention that the effects were ridiculously good too OwO Definitely worth a visit ... maybe, if you are not afraid. XD  

 

Hahaha, it doesn't hurt to make friends, aye? XD

lalalalala xD

She was actually wearing 2 different colored contacts that day... but it doesn't really show >_<

buuu~ ah well, maybe she'll post pics of it clearer on her fb later xD 

Hope minna had an awesome halloween? :)  Btw, you guys all owe her candy. xD haha <3 *peace*

 

a random page from Yume's diary #1

::An excerpt from a dream's diary.

Nyaho~ OwO/ 
Herro minna <3 ahaha xD The cheery and sanguine Yume ish back again de~chu :3

Mehh, since this is a blog, and people post things about their daily lives here...Yume guesses she'd give it a try too xD

Ssso... Recently....
....
...It's been a mess. OTL  There's just soooooooooooooo many things to do QAQ
Her schedule is packed with school and tutoring... @_@ and she has to help out several clubs as well >_<
SAT scores just came out... Which she has to retake again because she wants a 2400 ..
And college applications toooo....
Where should she apply to? Where would accept her? QwQ;;a Gaaaaah.... *sobs*

Those topics aside, let's talk about something fun :D
Yume got colored lenses! >u<
And in different colors too =P
Ohh and she made a big bow by herself too >u<
She'll wear them sometime in the weekend and see how they turn out  *q*
*so excited* X3

Nyaaa~ She's been so static these days.. going to school, coming back home. working on apps... eating stuff... while working.. and getting............chubby O3Ollll
*sigh* she knows that's not good but she just can't help it QAQ

($%!$%& like, who can resist ice cream cake~? QwQ
Ahh.. she got to stop...
or else no one might recognize her sometime later. orz

Haha XD  
Aye ~ thats it for today OwO
Ciaossu <3 

Some pictures..? X3

Hii~ OwO/

Grrr, she was looking for her earring, that fell orz

haha , random freebie made XD it's been ages since she edited >A<

 

Lost Princess

Melancholic? O3O

"In the end, the most painful expression is that of no emotion. The most scathing words are those sugar coated lies."

...and the most pitiful is that selfish princess, trapped forever in her labyrinth of memories.

Have you ever felt like you wanted to rewind your memories to the past and just stay there? Have you ever regretted leaving people and places you've really treasured and felt like you...just can't keep up with coping anymore..? Do you know the feeling? It just feels like everything is in place yet something is just not quite right..

Yume has already transferred here for a year already, but she still feels estranged to everything here... The customs, the people, the way of speaking and keeping up.

They look at her as if she always says something wrong,

They talk to her as if she has just come here today,

Some see her as 'little-miss-perfect', others see her as a nuisance,

They don't understand her words and her frustration.

After all.. Yume is just a stranger.

 Yume..wants to go back. She wants to go back to her friends that was always with her..

Complain to them, talk together, laugh together, cry together... but she can't.

Everytime she logs on facebook she sees them again, but they're all moving on with their busy lives... they don't have that time to listen to her anymore. They have their things to do. They are all coping fine.

Then she looks around. The people here are all the same. They see through her as if she was transparent.. there is no one to fool around with.. no one to rant to when she feels down.. no one to just be there and give her a hug when she needs them....because they can't see her frustration.

"I've always known that looking back at past cries would make me laugh, but I've never expected that looking back at past laughs would make me..cry."

She misses the times when we were panicking because the biology lab report is due tomorrow.

She misses the times when we go around cramming for the homework or AMS exams next period.

She misses the dance practices, and the times we used to act all crazy on the school bus.

She misses the walks, the phone calls, the ice cream store we always used to go to when we were free.

But those have become only memories. We can't relive the past.

 It's fine if she has buried half her life in order to be viewed as 'normal'.

It's alright if she will have to keep some secrets in order to get along with people.

It doesn't matter if she has to make sacrifices and go out of the way to help people around her, just so that she can make them happy.

..But it's so hard to just smile and be herself around others who doesn't see Yume as Yume. Q__Q

Nothing is important anymore. Yume just wants to curl up in her blankets and cry her loneliness out.

"..but emotionless expressions have proven to be much more kinder than lies, and lying smiles could be the only way for us to cover up our crying selves."

..and in the end, memories are nothing but broken dreams, luring us into that abyss.

*sigh* Ah well, guess all the things she had to do is really getting into her.

Yume is tired.. she doesn't want to think of things anymore..

Is it better to try to give up, or to give up trying?

New layout O3O

Ahh, yea. she hasn't been blooging. for quite a while OAO

Gomen ne >_<

And thus :D *drumroll* XD
Yume ish thinking of making a new blog layout, and then updating it regularly. xD
So stay in tune~

Adieu <3

Rebellion : Against..?

Sometimes, we just want to make some sense in our lives.
Whatever the reason might be. Whatever the way we choose.

Sometimes, we just want to find something in our lives.
Whatever it might be Whatever it will be...

Sometimes, we just want to find a place in this world.
Wherever that might be, wherever that will be.


...And sometimes, all we are looking for is a bit of ourselves.
Not bowing down to the common opinions. To be us just for the sake of ourselves, and no one else.

Us ne, we have a common problem...
Be it that we notice it or not, it's shown to some degree//
We all tend to bow down to thee common opinions of the public. 
We all care about what other people say, no matter how much we pretend not to care. 

We cannot escape. Because we are all chained together. 
We have no means of expressing ourselves, our real selves.. Because we are all repressed by that reality.
We all want to be free, but we can't, because it's part of the social contract we have exchanged for order.


Yume ish sick and tired of that.

Yume doesn't want herself to be just another puppet.
It's suffocating. . . They are eating away at her personal space.

Opinions.

 If she ignores them she wonders if she will be hated..?
If she goes against them she wonders if they would forgive her..?

She longs to go against it but what ish there to go against..?

.... W h a t e v e r .

From today, whatever they think of her can just go ruin for all she cares.
Yesh. she knows that she might regret this someday.


But before that day comes, she declares rebellion.

Against M a i n s t r e a m .


Whatever others think has no right to bend you down . They cannot drag you down. 
We are all free, we all started free. But however, sometime along the course, along the way, we have traded it for something else. 
Something, in the name of conformity and order.


We all long to be ourselves but it ish the ones around us prohibiting that.


But from now on Yume won't care.
She has decided to throw away everything that you have known her as.

She ish who she ish and no one will deny that.

She won't care anymore about what the people say to her, say about her.


Know about her, and talk about her.
Yume ain't your normal average girl. 
She ish not who you think she ish. 

This ish her declaration. Declaration of Rebellion.
She will dare to rise, against what the popular deem as 'correct'. They have no right to determine what she should be and what she should choose. . .


Yume had always tried her best to just. . fit in. and be a good girl, one that everyone would 'normally' be happy with, but that has taken away her freedom.


From now on, she would take a big step, out of her world. 
She won't hide anymore, and speak out. 
What she feels and what she wants to say, 


And she will dare to be herself.

She doesn't care if the whole world will go against her, or that they would condemn her. 

And then, maybe that way she could finally find herself back again. ;3


"Those who matter won't care and those who care won't matter."

So if you have really accepted Yume as who she was versus who everyone thought she was this wouldn't make so much of a change would it~? ;3


[7.May.2011]
--Yume.




--And to spark this revolution, maybe something with a little change~? :3

Ahaha yea "Review sessions" with her friends always turnout this way XD

Pfft, no don't worry she's not mean xD

And the chair was super comfyy~ <3

No comment XD

In the end Digital Cameras are still nice XD Don't mind the mess in the back Yume and her friends tend to make a big mess everytime we crash over  =P

Re.Start

 [Giving up isn't hard. Be it anything or anyone. What hurts most is the emptiness that it leaves...]

: "Yume." Do you still remember her..?
Her name had started online. On a certain site, in a certain place.
Her dream once existed, in the mind of one, in the eyes of many... Yet one day it disappeared. 

...She doesn't want this to happen...

 *sigh* But what could she do..?

Yes. It ish true, her real name isn't 'Yume Usagi-chan'. But who are they to tell her what is 'real' and whatnot..? 

...She didn't admit that. She didn't want to create another her. She doesn't want to admit to anyone that denied her existence. . .

Giving up ishn't hard. It's just shrugging off the past as if nothing has happened. It's just facing the other direction and forgetting whatever got put behind... 

But that ish not true.

Giving up leaves an empty space. A hole in our minds. Somewhere, something ish supposed to fill...

Yume misses everyone she met and knew. 

She didn't even get the chance to thank you. She doesn't want this end just yet...

After thinking and thinking, Yume has come to a decision. . .

She will make everything come back together again.

Pieces of her memories. Of the person she knew and everyone knew.

Her name ish Yume. And no one can change her. 

http://www.facebook.com/Yume.in.Wonderland

This account ish for those that wants to find out a bit more truth about Yume.
She ish just your normal girl, but not youｒ average girl.
Know about her and wonder.
She ishn't who you think she ish. 

And now she propose a pledge.

A challenge.

To herself, and to everyone.   

A Hundred Promises. A Hundred Truths. A Hundred pages from a Dream's Diary.

She will promise not to deceive herself anymore. Her dream ish not a mere mask to hide her true self. In return, she ask of you nothing but be true to her. 

Deal..? 

And then, it ish up to you to decide.

---------[She is a princess. Lost in Wonderland.]

[1.May.2011]
~Yume.☆

Dear Fool.

Open the diary, Stare at the calender.
Today is April first, or was April first.


Countdown towards the next day. 


..And the Fool Smiles.

Has it been a good day?


" ...Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two"


And today marks the 32nd day. Thirty second day of March.
Where we smile, we dance, and play tricks. Living in blissful ignorance.
And today is the first. First day into April.
Where the fool watches us smile, listens to our songs, our pranks. Grinning at our naivety. 


Set our alarm, Share the news with the others.
Today is March 32nd, or it was supposed to be.


Looking back into our last day.


...And the Fool watches.


Was it a good day?


April First, or as the others call it, April Fool's day. It has always been a day related with joys, smiles, pranks, jokes, happiness.
however, how many of that is true?


Behind our pranks, how many of us really tried to make the other smile?
Behind all our masks, that just shrug them off and laugh it off, how many of us really forgave the other?
And behind all our smiles, how many of them are...true?




Turn on the radio. And off with the lights.
Today is April Fools'. When we are supposed to be happy.


...And the Fool waits.


What kind of day will it be..?


Many things might be intended as just simple tricks. Our childish pranks. 
however, sometimes, people tend to go overboard.
And overreact.
..or both. in the worst cast scenario. Thus creating a huge shock. That shakes those fragile human relations. Creating huge damage. irreversible. 

But it is maybe because we just want attention. We pull pranks on others in the hope that maybe...someone, anyone would notice. Notice..'me'. Who I am and who I really am, not who I seem or what I seem.

Maybe by this way, you can look at us , laugh with us. Smile at us.

We will hide. hide our true ugly self. Plaster on our unbreakable mask of smiles...and laugh. like nothing happened.


But slowly, pranks are pulled to affect the others, not in such a good way. Now, the people play tricks to laugh. Laugh at the others, not with them.
That is how much we have fallen.




Draw back the curtains, and lock the door.
Today is our day. We will make it that way.


And the Fool sleeps.


It will be a day eternally engraved in our memories.




Behind every smile lies a hundred litres of tears. Untold, unshed, unseen. Yet flooding away and destroying our fragile minds.
Draining our heart.
..Unstoppable.


The Fool is not allowed to show its sadness.
Because then it will cease to be who it is.

Dear Fool, please don't cry. 
We all just want to see each other smile.
Again and again, we will try, 
To save each other from our lies.


Once the mask breaks, we are nothing but ourselves.


~Yume.☆

Dishonest Honesty.

...Stop stop stop STOP.
....What is happening?




Tears.


...It won't stop. or it had never stopped.


Thoughts.


...It won't start, or that it was just always there since the beginning.


Silence.


It was deafening. 


......Great. She doesn't know what is happening.


Yume.is.not.here.


...And for this once, she will not lie. She is not who you think, or thought she is.


Smiling was tiring. Pretending was hard. But they were the basis of her. 
And when she is alone, thoughts begin to build up.


...And then she will forget them. Hide.


...But when they become too much for her to ignore. They all come crashing down. At once.


And then she will try to stop thinking. 


But point is, she can't stop thinking. And then it will haunt her.


...She is thinking about emptiness. and that is like creating a vacuum, sucking all what she could be thinking in. And then leaving her with.............nothing.
And then dumping everything out, at her when she is alone.


Yume.is.a.liar.


Yes. she is a liar. The worst type of liar. 
...appearing and disappearing when she wanted.
Manipulating herself into being who she wanted.
She is a dream.
...And dreams are bound to disappear. someday.
Then a new one comes out. and the cycle starts again. 
........but they are all lies.


Stop. Stop. STOP. 
Stop pretending.


...........but she can't.
C.O.N.F.O.R.M.I.T.Y. 
...or so they called it.
If she did, she'd probably end up crying and screaming, letting herself out for all what she held back. 
...And then what would happen?
No, stop thinking . No, here she goes again.


People would worry. it would be her fault. She must not let that happen.


So she has decided.
To shut herself away from the rest of the world.
At least for now.


So don't look for her.
She is fine.
...That.was.a.lie.

Rememberance.

The story is about a boy, who found a girl.

And of a girl, who had shut herself away from 'love'.

It begins in a dream,

A dream idealistic and still, like a painting..

And on a blank paper, the story is etched. 

Marking  the beginning of an untold tale.

Avoidance. She has been avoiding. Your voice, your words your name.

...because it always throws her into a turmoil. A helpless addiction.

"Hey, can I make a confession?

...? Yea...wait, erm what? XD

Can I make a confession?

...yea sure....she guesses o.o 

...?!"

---16.01.2011

It worked like magic. Helpless addictive magic.

...A girl who has never believed in such a being named 'love'.

...A girl who has always doubted her own believed on that taboo.

..."To love and be loved."

Like a dream.

She had always lived in a dream. Yet she never believed in that dream.

...Ironic.

Curiosity. She was always curious. about you. Your voice, your words, your name.

...Slowly, it ate away at her doubt. A mysterious gift.

"ne~ ne~ what did you want for your birthday present yesterday~? =3

Well I just wished that I had some courage to say how I felt to the person I like

don't worry~ if it is you, you'd be able to pull it off fine~ ^^

well I did, she thought I was feeling really tired though XD

maybe it was just a dream"

--17.01.2011

..Somewhere, she still wanted to believe. In those words.

Those words that you have promised her.

Those words so many have promised her.

...Yet those words none of them understood. 

Or perhaps it was her. What they didn't understand, was the other side of "Yume". Someone they never met, never knew, more less acknowledged.

..."Because you don't know me. I am not who you think I am."

Like a dream.

They were trapped inside their dream. Their dream of her. 

Dream of a dream. However, that is not her.

...That is just who they thought she is.

Admittance. She has once been too afraid to accept. Your voice, your words, your name. 

...Like a force, it broke her mask. The mask she had always tried to lose...but couldn't bring herself to lose.

"...Just that she ish sick and tired of hiding who she is..

then make them realize who you really are, do what is best you think of, but also you have to listen to others. I'm believe in you, and you have to trust yourself more ,your good in so many things

 arigatou.. Yume ish glad that there are people that believes in her ~

Don't be down Yume, your really a special and an unique person"

---22.01.2011

...She could not understand.

Normally, people would be fed up with her.

They would have seen her in a different light.

...And leave. Like they always did. Like she had always seen. 

Heartless. That was what Yume has always lived in. A soulless soul. A heartless heart. 

"...You've changed. Why did you have to change?"

Like a dream. 

Its shape morphs. Losing it's careful balance even at the slightest touch. Losing it's form. Losing pieces of her precious reality.

 She had already once given up. A long long time ago.

...Because the feeling of loss is terrifying. It throws her off axis.

Realization. She had probably realized a long time ago. But she was just hiding, too afraid to accept. Your voice, your words, your name.

...Like clearing mist. Her world cleared up. Someone found her, at last.

"daijyoubu, Yume ish Yume, I always love you the way you really are dechu~ <3"

---11.02.2011

..But it doesn't hurt to give it one last try.............does it?

She never wanted to hurt anyone. But that's because she didn't want to hurt herself. She is selfish and childish.

She may be sometimes jealous and insecure. 

...But she is who she is. 

...And she says what she wants. 

"...I don't want to pretend anymore, so put up with it. Just get over it okay, this is me. I'm sorry if i wasn't who you though I am."

Like a dream.

... She is just another normal girl, learning how to 'love'.

She gets mad, she gets sad. she hides. she lies. 

...But one thing is true.

...........................She never ever wants to lose you.

...So stay with her. 

Rememberance. She has always tried to memorize. Your voice, your words, your name. In case her dream shatters, she will still have memories to treasure.

"Is she dreaming? is this just a reflection of her imaginary reality? She has always wanted to wake up...but if this is her dream, then she'd be afraid of waking up..

then just hold onto my hand, I'll dream the same dream as you, I'll always be together with you, we can repaint, imagine again, draw again, something different and new."

---18.02.2011

...If this is just another part of her dream, then she will choose not to wake up.

Selfish. but idealistic.

In love in a dream.

To the end, she is still selfishly holding on to her reality. Her new reality. 

She is a selfish princess.

And if you would grant her one last wish...

If she could selfishly demand one last thing, let it be.

You are not allowed to leave her.

...And then she'll remember you. Your voice, your words, your name... And miss them.

The story is about a boy, who found a girl.

And of a girl, who fell in love with the boy.

It unfolds in a dream.

...The dream that becomes their reality.

And on a new page, the story continues.

never ending.

~Yume.☆
[09.March.2011]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now kill her. She fails at writing. =x=

God knows why this came into her mind.

And now she'll click the publish button, and disappear.

OxO

>.<""

Salisbury Cathedral From the Meadows (1831).

Yume loves this painting~ X3

Sky's Tears

...The sky is grey, as if it has been crying.

Tears splattering down, 

Falling from the clouds...

...Rain. It tumbled down the air and shattered on the ground. like mist, it dissolved, never leaving a trace.
The sound of it crashing down on our windows is nothing but sounds that last for a split second....


Sometimes, Yume stops to think.

...if only were our worries to melt away like that...

...The clouds look down, as if it was weeping.

It's loneliness crystallizing,

Tumbling down as rain...

Yume wants to ask it why is it crying... however her voice never reaches it...

...."What's wrong....?"

Why was it sad? 

Was it because Yume has done something wrong? 

Yume felt so helpless... she couldn't be of any help to it... it just kept on crying and crying...

Slowly, Yume began to be affected by it. It was like poison, taking control of your mind so easily...

...The rain crashes down, as if escaping.

Have had enough of its world,

Disappearing into nothingness...

...The sky is falling apart. It has begun to doubt itself...

It has begun to lose hope...

In despair, it screamed and sobbed. It startled everyone.

...however, it was because it just wanted someone to comfort it, it wanted someone to come and melt away it's bitter sorrow. Someone to understand it.

...Yet all we did was open our umbrellas and shield ourself from its tears...

...."You are her sky."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---Brain goes dead. yea this ish only barely next to legible. she'll probably come correct it later.

~Yume.☆

------[21.Feb.2011.]

(^Image does not belong to her) OwO

Creation.

Hm, so since everyone has a blog Yume reckoned she'd make one for her as well.

This is for her words to be viewed and remembered.

So, she guesses she'll be introducing herself?

"...Welcome, to her dream."

Yes, this is but a dream.

A dream of it's creator.

A blog. Now she has always wanted to have a blog. to keep one and post here. 

Problem is, Yume ish very very lazy XD

SSooo, she doesn't know if she'll be posting often here or not.

most probably, she'll be updating it once in a while....

So if you would like to follow her then please do~ <3

To her facebook friends, family, and fans,

Thank you for supporting her all this time!

You guys made this all possible! <3

Arigatou~ Please continue to be with Yume ne~ X3

*bows*

(she took these before going out on the other day, her hair looks kinda messy >.<ll)