Dishonest Honesty.

...Stop stop stop STOP.
....What is happening?




Tears.


...It won't stop. or it had never stopped.


Thoughts.


...It won't start, or that it was just always there since the beginning.


Silence.


It was deafening. 


......Great. She doesn't know what is happening.


Yume.is.not.here.


...And for this once, she will not lie. She is not who you think, or thought she is.


Smiling was tiring. Pretending was hard. But they were the basis of her. 
And when she is alone, thoughts begin to build up.


...And then she will forget them. Hide.


...But when they become too much for her to ignore. They all come crashing down. At once.


And then she will try to stop thinking. 


But point is, she can't stop thinking. And then it will haunt her.


...She is thinking about emptiness. and that is like creating a vacuum, sucking all what she could be thinking in. And then leaving her with.............nothing.
And then dumping everything out, at her when she is alone.


Yume.is.a.liar.


Yes. she is a liar. The worst type of liar. 
...appearing and disappearing when she wanted.
Manipulating herself into being who she wanted.
She is a dream.
...And dreams are bound to disappear. someday.
Then a new one comes out. and the cycle starts again. 
........but they are all lies.


Stop. Stop. STOP. 
Stop pretending.


...........but she can't.
C.O.N.F.O.R.M.I.T.Y. 
...or so they called it.
If she did, she'd probably end up crying and screaming, letting herself out for all what she held back. 
...And then what would happen?
No, stop thinking . No, here she goes again.


People would worry. it would be her fault. She must not let that happen.


So she has decided.
To shut herself away from the rest of the world.
At least for now.


So don't look for her.
She is fine.
...That.was.a.lie.

Rememberance.

The story is about a boy, who found a girl.

And of a girl, who had shut herself away from 'love'.

It begins in a dream,

A dream idealistic and still, like a painting..

And on a blank paper, the story is etched. 

Marking  the beginning of an untold tale.

Avoidance. She has been avoiding. Your voice, your words your name.

...because it always throws her into a turmoil. A helpless addiction.

"Hey, can I make a confession?

...? Yea...wait, erm what? XD

Can I make a confession?

...yea sure....she guesses o.o 

...?!"

---16.01.2011

It worked like magic. Helpless addictive magic.

...A girl who has never believed in such a being named 'love'.

...A girl who has always doubted her own believed on that taboo.

..."To love and be loved."

Like a dream.

She had always lived in a dream. Yet she never believed in that dream.

...Ironic.

Curiosity. She was always curious. about you. Your voice, your words, your name.

...Slowly, it ate away at her doubt. A mysterious gift.

"ne~ ne~ what did you want for your birthday present yesterday~? =3

Well I just wished that I had some courage to say how I felt to the person I like

don't worry~ if it is you, you'd be able to pull it off fine~ ^^

well I did, she thought I was feeling really tired though XD

maybe it was just a dream"

--17.01.2011

..Somewhere, she still wanted to believe. In those words.

Those words that you have promised her.

Those words so many have promised her.

...Yet those words none of them understood. 

Or perhaps it was her. What they didn't understand, was the other side of "Yume". Someone they never met, never knew, more less acknowledged.

..."Because you don't know me. I am not who you think I am."

Like a dream.

They were trapped inside their dream. Their dream of her. 

Dream of a dream. However, that is not her.

...That is just who they thought she is.

Admittance. She has once been too afraid to accept. Your voice, your words, your name. 

...Like a force, it broke her mask. The mask she had always tried to lose...but couldn't bring herself to lose.

"...Just that she ish sick and tired of hiding who she is..

then make them realize who you really are, do what is best you think of, but also you have to listen to others. I'm believe in you, and you have to trust yourself more ,your good in so many things

 arigatou.. Yume ish glad that there are people that believes in her ~

Don't be down Yume, your really a special and an unique person"

---22.01.2011

...She could not understand.

Normally, people would be fed up with her.

They would have seen her in a different light.

...And leave. Like they always did. Like she had always seen. 

Heartless. That was what Yume has always lived in. A soulless soul. A heartless heart. 

"...You've changed. Why did you have to change?"

Like a dream. 

Its shape morphs. Losing it's careful balance even at the slightest touch. Losing it's form. Losing pieces of her precious reality.

 She had already once given up. A long long time ago.

...Because the feeling of loss is terrifying. It throws her off axis.

Realization. She had probably realized a long time ago. But she was just hiding, too afraid to accept. Your voice, your words, your name.

...Like clearing mist. Her world cleared up. Someone found her, at last.

"daijyoubu, Yume ish Yume, I always love you the way you really are dechu~ <3"

---11.02.2011

..But it doesn't hurt to give it one last try.............does it?

She never wanted to hurt anyone. But that's because she didn't want to hurt herself. She is selfish and childish.

She may be sometimes jealous and insecure. 

...But she is who she is. 

...And she says what she wants. 

"...I don't want to pretend anymore, so put up with it. Just get over it okay, this is me. I'm sorry if i wasn't who you though I am."

Like a dream.

... She is just another normal girl, learning how to 'love'.

She gets mad, she gets sad. she hides. she lies. 

...But one thing is true.

...........................She never ever wants to lose you.

...So stay with her. 

Rememberance. She has always tried to memorize. Your voice, your words, your name. In case her dream shatters, she will still have memories to treasure.

"Is she dreaming? is this just a reflection of her imaginary reality? She has always wanted to wake up...but if this is her dream, then she'd be afraid of waking up..

then just hold onto my hand, I'll dream the same dream as you, I'll always be together with you, we can repaint, imagine again, draw again, something different and new."

---18.02.2011

...If this is just another part of her dream, then she will choose not to wake up.

Selfish. but idealistic.

In love in a dream.

To the end, she is still selfishly holding on to her reality. Her new reality. 

She is a selfish princess.

And if you would grant her one last wish...

If she could selfishly demand one last thing, let it be.

You are not allowed to leave her.

...And then she'll remember you. Your voice, your words, your name... And miss them.

The story is about a boy, who found a girl.

And of a girl, who fell in love with the boy.

It unfolds in a dream.

...The dream that becomes their reality.

And on a new page, the story continues.

never ending.

~Yume.☆
[09.March.2011]

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Now kill her. She fails at writing. =x=

God knows why this came into her mind.

And now she'll click the publish button, and disappear.

OxO

>.<""

Salisbury Cathedral From the Meadows (1831).

Yume loves this painting~ X3