Rebellion : Against..?

Sometimes, we just want to make some sense in our lives.
Whatever the reason might be. Whatever the way we choose.

Sometimes, we just want to find something in our lives.
Whatever it might be Whatever it will be...

Sometimes, we just want to find a place in this world.
Wherever that might be, wherever that will be.


...And sometimes, all we are looking for is a bit of ourselves.
Not bowing down to the common opinions. To be us just for the sake of ourselves, and no one else.

Us ne, we have a common problem...
Be it that we notice it or not, it's shown to some degree//
We all tend to bow down to thee common opinions of the public. 
We all care about what other people say, no matter how much we pretend not to care. 

We cannot escape. Because we are all chained together. 
We have no means of expressing ourselves, our real selves.. Because we are all repressed by that reality.
We all want to be free, but we can't, because it's part of the social contract we have exchanged for order.


Yume ish sick and tired of that.

Yume doesn't want herself to be just another puppet.
It's suffocating. . . They are eating away at her personal space.

Opinions.

 If she ignores them she wonders if she will be hated..?
If she goes against them she wonders if they would forgive her..?

She longs to go against it but what ish there to go against..?

.... W h a t e v e r .

From today, whatever they think of her can just go ruin for all she cares.
Yesh. she knows that she might regret this someday.


But before that day comes, she declares rebellion.

Against M a i n s t r e a m .


Whatever others think has no right to bend you down . They cannot drag you down. 
We are all free, we all started free. But however, sometime along the course, along the way, we have traded it for something else. 
Something, in the name of conformity and order.


We all long to be ourselves but it ish the ones around us prohibiting that.


But from now on Yume won't care.
She has decided to throw away everything that you have known her as.

She ish who she ish and no one will deny that.

She won't care anymore about what the people say to her, say about her.


Know about her, and talk about her.
Yume ain't your normal average girl. 
She ish not who you think she ish. 

This ish her declaration. Declaration of Rebellion.
She will dare to rise, against what the popular deem as 'correct'. They have no right to determine what she should be and what she should choose. . .


Yume had always tried her best to just. . fit in. and be a good girl, one that everyone would 'normally' be happy with, but that has taken away her freedom.


From now on, she would take a big step, out of her world. 
She won't hide anymore, and speak out. 
What she feels and what she wants to say, 


And she will dare to be herself.

She doesn't care if the whole world will go against her, or that they would condemn her. 

And then, maybe that way she could finally find herself back again. ;3


"Those who matter won't care and those who care won't matter."

So if you have really accepted Yume as who she was versus who everyone thought she was this wouldn't make so much of a change would it~? ;3


[7.May.2011]
--Yume.




--And to spark this revolution, maybe something with a little change~? :3

Ahaha yea "Review sessions" with her friends always turnout this way XD

Pfft, no don't worry she's not mean xD

And the chair was super comfyy~ <3

No comment XD

In the end Digital Cameras are still nice XD Don't mind the mess in the back Yume and her friends tend to make a big mess everytime we crash over  =P

Re.Start

 [Giving up isn't hard. Be it anything or anyone. What hurts most is the emptiness that it leaves...]

: "Yume." Do you still remember her..?
Her name had started online. On a certain site, in a certain place.
Her dream once existed, in the mind of one, in the eyes of many... Yet one day it disappeared. 

...She doesn't want this to happen...

 *sigh* But what could she do..?

Yes. It ish true, her real name isn't 'Yume Usagi-chan'. But who are they to tell her what is 'real' and whatnot..? 

...She didn't admit that. She didn't want to create another her. She doesn't want to admit to anyone that denied her existence. . .

Giving up ishn't hard. It's just shrugging off the past as if nothing has happened. It's just facing the other direction and forgetting whatever got put behind... 

But that ish not true.

Giving up leaves an empty space. A hole in our minds. Somewhere, something ish supposed to fill...

Yume misses everyone she met and knew. 

She didn't even get the chance to thank you. She doesn't want this end just yet...

After thinking and thinking, Yume has come to a decision. . .

She will make everything come back together again.

Pieces of her memories. Of the person she knew and everyone knew.

Her name ish Yume. And no one can change her. 

http://www.facebook.com/Yume.in.Wonderland

This account ish for those that wants to find out a bit more truth about Yume.
She ish just your normal girl, but not youｒ average girl.
Know about her and wonder.
She ishn't who you think she ish. 

And now she propose a pledge.

A challenge.

To herself, and to everyone.   

A Hundred Promises. A Hundred Truths. A Hundred pages from a Dream's Diary.

She will promise not to deceive herself anymore. Her dream ish not a mere mask to hide her true self. In return, she ask of you nothing but be true to her. 

Deal..? 

And then, it ish up to you to decide.

---------[She is a princess. Lost in Wonderland.]

[1.May.2011]
~Yume.☆

Dear Fool.

Open the diary, Stare at the calender.
Today is April first, or was April first.


Countdown towards the next day. 


..And the Fool Smiles.

Has it been a good day?


" ...Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two"


And today marks the 32nd day. Thirty second day of March.
Where we smile, we dance, and play tricks. Living in blissful ignorance.
And today is the first. First day into April.
Where the fool watches us smile, listens to our songs, our pranks. Grinning at our naivety. 


Set our alarm, Share the news with the others.
Today is March 32nd, or it was supposed to be.


Looking back into our last day.


...And the Fool watches.


Was it a good day?


April First, or as the others call it, April Fool's day. It has always been a day related with joys, smiles, pranks, jokes, happiness.
however, how many of that is true?


Behind our pranks, how many of us really tried to make the other smile?
Behind all our masks, that just shrug them off and laugh it off, how many of us really forgave the other?
And behind all our smiles, how many of them are...true?




Turn on the radio. And off with the lights.
Today is April Fools'. When we are supposed to be happy.


...And the Fool waits.


What kind of day will it be..?


Many things might be intended as just simple tricks. Our childish pranks. 
however, sometimes, people tend to go overboard.
And overreact.
..or both. in the worst cast scenario. Thus creating a huge shock. That shakes those fragile human relations. Creating huge damage. irreversible. 

But it is maybe because we just want attention. We pull pranks on others in the hope that maybe...someone, anyone would notice. Notice..'me'. Who I am and who I really am, not who I seem or what I seem.

Maybe by this way, you can look at us , laugh with us. Smile at us.

We will hide. hide our true ugly self. Plaster on our unbreakable mask of smiles...and laugh. like nothing happened.


But slowly, pranks are pulled to affect the others, not in such a good way. Now, the people play tricks to laugh. Laugh at the others, not with them.
That is how much we have fallen.




Draw back the curtains, and lock the door.
Today is our day. We will make it that way.


And the Fool sleeps.


It will be a day eternally engraved in our memories.




Behind every smile lies a hundred litres of tears. Untold, unshed, unseen. Yet flooding away and destroying our fragile minds.
Draining our heart.
..Unstoppable.


The Fool is not allowed to show its sadness.
Because then it will cease to be who it is.

Dear Fool, please don't cry. 
We all just want to see each other smile.
Again and again, we will try, 
To save each other from our lies.


Once the mask breaks, we are nothing but ourselves.


~Yume.☆

Dishonest Honesty.

...Stop stop stop STOP.
....What is happening?




Tears.


...It won't stop. or it had never stopped.


Thoughts.


...It won't start, or that it was just always there since the beginning.


Silence.


It was deafening. 


......Great. She doesn't know what is happening.


Yume.is.not.here.


...And for this once, she will not lie. She is not who you think, or thought she is.


Smiling was tiring. Pretending was hard. But they were the basis of her. 
And when she is alone, thoughts begin to build up.


...And then she will forget them. Hide.


...But when they become too much for her to ignore. They all come crashing down. At once.


And then she will try to stop thinking. 


But point is, she can't stop thinking. And then it will haunt her.


...She is thinking about emptiness. and that is like creating a vacuum, sucking all what she could be thinking in. And then leaving her with.............nothing.
And then dumping everything out, at her when she is alone.


Yume.is.a.liar.


Yes. she is a liar. The worst type of liar. 
...appearing and disappearing when she wanted.
Manipulating herself into being who she wanted.
She is a dream.
...And dreams are bound to disappear. someday.
Then a new one comes out. and the cycle starts again. 
........but they are all lies.


Stop. Stop. STOP. 
Stop pretending.


...........but she can't.
C.O.N.F.O.R.M.I.T.Y. 
...or so they called it.
If she did, she'd probably end up crying and screaming, letting herself out for all what she held back. 
...And then what would happen?
No, stop thinking . No, here she goes again.


People would worry. it would be her fault. She must not let that happen.


So she has decided.
To shut herself away from the rest of the world.
At least for now.


So don't look for her.
She is fine.
...That.was.a.lie.

Rememberance.

The story is about a boy, who found a girl.

And of a girl, who had shut herself away from 'love'.

It begins in a dream,

A dream idealistic and still, like a painting..

And on a blank paper, the story is etched. 

Marking  the beginning of an untold tale.

Avoidance. She has been avoiding. Your voice, your words your name.

...because it always throws her into a turmoil. A helpless addiction.

"Hey, can I make a confession?

...? Yea...wait, erm what? XD

Can I make a confession?

...yea sure....she guesses o.o 

...?!"

---16.01.2011

It worked like magic. Helpless addictive magic.

...A girl who has never believed in such a being named 'love'.

...A girl who has always doubted her own believed on that taboo.

..."To love and be loved."

Like a dream.

She had always lived in a dream. Yet she never believed in that dream.

...Ironic.

Curiosity. She was always curious. about you. Your voice, your words, your name.

...Slowly, it ate away at her doubt. A mysterious gift.

"ne~ ne~ what did you want for your birthday present yesterday~? =3

Well I just wished that I had some courage to say how I felt to the person I like

don't worry~ if it is you, you'd be able to pull it off fine~ ^^

well I did, she thought I was feeling really tired though XD

maybe it was just a dream"

--17.01.2011

..Somewhere, she still wanted to believe. In those words.

Those words that you have promised her.

Those words so many have promised her.

...Yet those words none of them understood. 

Or perhaps it was her. What they didn't understand, was the other side of "Yume". Someone they never met, never knew, more less acknowledged.

..."Because you don't know me. I am not who you think I am."

Like a dream.

They were trapped inside their dream. Their dream of her. 

Dream of a dream. However, that is not her.

...That is just who they thought she is.

Admittance. She has once been too afraid to accept. Your voice, your words, your name. 

...Like a force, it broke her mask. The mask she had always tried to lose...but couldn't bring herself to lose.

"...Just that she ish sick and tired of hiding who she is..

then make them realize who you really are, do what is best you think of, but also you have to listen to others. I'm believe in you, and you have to trust yourself more ,your good in so many things

 arigatou.. Yume ish glad that there are people that believes in her ~

Don't be down Yume, your really a special and an unique person"

---22.01.2011

...She could not understand.

Normally, people would be fed up with her.

They would have seen her in a different light.

...And leave. Like they always did. Like she had always seen. 

Heartless. That was what Yume has always lived in. A soulless soul. A heartless heart. 

"...You've changed. Why did you have to change?"

Like a dream. 

Its shape morphs. Losing it's careful balance even at the slightest touch. Losing it's form. Losing pieces of her precious reality.

 She had already once given up. A long long time ago.

...Because the feeling of loss is terrifying. It throws her off axis.

Realization. She had probably realized a long time ago. But she was just hiding, too afraid to accept. Your voice, your words, your name.

...Like clearing mist. Her world cleared up. Someone found her, at last.

"daijyoubu, Yume ish Yume, I always love you the way you really are dechu~ <3"

---11.02.2011

..But it doesn't hurt to give it one last try.............does it?

She never wanted to hurt anyone. But that's because she didn't want to hurt herself. She is selfish and childish.

She may be sometimes jealous and insecure. 

...But she is who she is. 

...And she says what she wants. 

"...I don't want to pretend anymore, so put up with it. Just get over it okay, this is me. I'm sorry if i wasn't who you though I am."

Like a dream.

... She is just another normal girl, learning how to 'love'.

She gets mad, she gets sad. she hides. she lies. 

...But one thing is true.

...........................She never ever wants to lose you.

...So stay with her. 

Rememberance. She has always tried to memorize. Your voice, your words, your name. In case her dream shatters, she will still have memories to treasure.

"Is she dreaming? is this just a reflection of her imaginary reality? She has always wanted to wake up...but if this is her dream, then she'd be afraid of waking up..

then just hold onto my hand, I'll dream the same dream as you, I'll always be together with you, we can repaint, imagine again, draw again, something different and new."

---18.02.2011

...If this is just another part of her dream, then she will choose not to wake up.

Selfish. but idealistic.

In love in a dream.

To the end, she is still selfishly holding on to her reality. Her new reality. 

She is a selfish princess.

And if you would grant her one last wish...

If she could selfishly demand one last thing, let it be.

You are not allowed to leave her.

...And then she'll remember you. Your voice, your words, your name... And miss them.

The story is about a boy, who found a girl.

And of a girl, who fell in love with the boy.

It unfolds in a dream.

...The dream that becomes their reality.

And on a new page, the story continues.

never ending.

~Yume.☆
[09.March.2011]

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Now kill her. She fails at writing. =x=

God knows why this came into her mind.

And now she'll click the publish button, and disappear.

OxO

>.<""

Salisbury Cathedral From the Meadows (1831).

Yume loves this painting~ X3