Melancholic? O3O
"In the end, the most painful expression is that of no emotion. The most scathing words are those sugar coated lies."
...and the most pitiful is that selfish princess, trapped forever in her labyrinth of memories.
Have you ever felt like you wanted to rewind your memories to the past and just stay there? Have you ever regretted leaving people and places you've really treasured and felt like you...just can't keep up with coping anymore..? Do you know the feeling? It just feels like everything is in place yet something is just not quite right..
Yume has already transferred here for a year already, but she still feels estranged to everything here... The customs, the people, the way of speaking and keeping up.
They look at her as if she always says something wrong,
They talk to her as if she has just come here today,
Some see her as 'little-miss-perfect', others see her as a nuisance,
They don't understand her words and her frustration.
After all.. Yume is just a stranger.
Yume..wants to go back. She wants to go back to her friends that was always with her..
Complain to them, talk together, laugh together, cry together... but she can't.
Everytime she logs on facebook she sees them again, but they're all moving on with their busy lives... they don't have that time to listen to her anymore. They have their things to do. They are all coping fine.
Then she looks around. The people here are all the same. They see through her as if she was transparent.. there is no one to fool around with.. no one to rant to when she feels down.. no one to just be there and give her a hug when she needs them....because they can't see her frustration.
"I've always known that looking back at past cries would make me laugh, but I've never expected that looking back at past laughs would make me..cry."
She misses the times when we were panicking because the biology lab report is due tomorrow.
She misses the times when we go around cramming for the homework or AMS exams next period.
She misses the dance practices, and the times we used to act all crazy on the school bus.
She misses the walks, the phone calls, the ice cream store we always used to go to when we were free.
But those have become only memories. We can't relive the past.
It's fine if she has buried half her life in order to be viewed as 'normal'.
It's alright if she will have to keep some secrets in order to get along with people.
It doesn't matter if she has to make sacrifices and go out of the way to help people around her, just so that she can make them happy.
..But it's so hard to just smile and be herself around others who doesn't see Yume as Yume. Q__Q
Nothing is important anymore. Yume just wants to curl up in her blankets and cry her loneliness out.
"..but emotionless expressions have proven to be much more kinder than lies, and lying smiles could be the only way for us to cover up our crying selves."
..and in the end, memories are nothing but broken dreams, luring us into that abyss.
*sigh* Ah well, guess all the things she had to do is really getting into her.
Yume is tired.. she doesn't want to think of things anymore..
Is it better to try to give up, or to give up trying?
